Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
