a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
