The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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