i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
