thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
