Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
