just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
