i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
