well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
