someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
