trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
