My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize