Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can text with my tongue
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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