I love black thongs
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
