all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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