I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
