all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
