I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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