Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
