I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
