I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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