Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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