Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
