So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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