I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
