I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
