thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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