She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
