he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
