the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
