I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My penis needs a shock collar
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am available for nakedness
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
