Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
