Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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