So drunk its hurt
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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