walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
