He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
