broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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