I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
