just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
