I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
