Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
