so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
