Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
