problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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