It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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