and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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