im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
