if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
