what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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