A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize