is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
3 2 1 whiskey
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
