just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you never un-have a 4some
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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