She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
