im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize