ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
