One girl and one boy is just not enough.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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