I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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