She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
