I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize