The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're like the curious george of whores
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
