cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
