yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
