Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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