my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
