The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize
