Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
