What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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