is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
